Monday, December 21, 2009

Day 116: December 21, 2009

Quote of the Day: "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." ~Theodor Seuss Geisel, attributed

Ever wonder how life sometimes can seem so clear, with so much purpose, then other times you're just hanging out and going through the motions? It's so hard to get anything accomplished during those times.  All we can do is sit around and think about all the coulds and shoulds, without really doing anything worthwhile. Spinning our gears, in danger of wearing them out so much that we'll never get back on track.  The worst part about that feeling is that it comes on so suddenly without giving you the slightest warning.  You wake up one morning and realize that things just aren't what they should be, and you have to take the time to sit and think about it to figure out why. Only most of us just don't have what it takes to figure it out on our own.  That's how I feel lately, like I'm walking around on auto-pilot, and there's nothing I can do but just let it pass me by.  I've changed in so many ways that it's sometimes hard to figure out exactly how it happened.  But here I am, no longer worried about having "the best car" or "the coolest clothes", like I did when I was younger. 

I used to write the most horrible, awful poetry that you can imagine back in my teen years, so sure that I was never going to get anywhere or do anything. And now here I am all those years later, just about ready to become a Registered Nurse. Which brings me to another thought, entirely... do we ever really know ourselves?  Or is it simply that we constantly change in accordance with our environment?  If that's the case, then where did the term "you can take the girl out of the trailer park but you can't take the trailer park out of the girl" come from, and other wonderfully descriptive little tidbits?  I used to want all sorts of things, but lately I've been finding myself wanting to get rid of things, to "clear out the clutter" and get back to the bare necessitites.  I'm not sure when it happened, probably around the last time we had military movers, and it has just been getting stronger each time we've had to do all our own packing, and moving.  But I really, truly wish that we had less "stuff" than we do now. Some of it I can see having, but other things... who needs tablecloths, when I never use them? Why do I have to keep so many coats in our coat closet, when we rarely wear them all anymore? Shouldn't I give them to people who need them?  And these books.... I'll never re-read them, isn't there something they'd be better used for?

Things have been real quiet aroun here today. I finished sewing the quilt top together, but now I have to cut the edges of each and every 4 inch square so that they will "rag out" properly when I wash the quilt.  So of course, I have been on the floor cutting edges for about four hours now and have only managed to cut out three rows of them. It is taking longer than cutting out the squares and sewing them together ever did. I am so frustrated with it that I could scream. I know that it will be better if it's done right, and therefore it's worth it to be down there on the floor killing myself, but I am so tempted just to throw it in the washer and test my fate.  Because I sure am tired of this thing! And it's so heavy, by the way, that I'm not even sure it's practical.  It nearly broke my back trying to support the weight of it while I was sewing it.  I think when it's completely done I'm going to weigh myself, then weigh myself again while holding it, and find out exactly how heavy it really is. THAT would be good to know.  I'm hoping that tomorrow I can get it to where it's nearly done, and maybe I will like it more. As for right now, I'm definitely not impressed with it.

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