Friday, February 26, 2010

Day 183: February 26, 2010

Quote of the Day: "The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions—the little soon-forgotten charities of a kiss, a smile, a kind look, a heartfelt compliment in the disguise of a playful raillery, and the countless other infinitessimals of pleasurable thought and genial feeling. " -Samuel Taylor Coleridge

It's always so great to find out that they're expecting snow in new ways.  It's even better, though, when you are totally clueless about why someone THINKS it's going to snow.  Today, as I was driving back from the casino over in Oklahoma where we go to buy our cigarrettes I passed a sand truck.  Now, for those of you who aren't "from around here", it's what Texans think you do before snow... you go out and dump a bunch of sand on the road to help it keep from getting slick.  Well, I came home and checked the weather channel website, and wouldn't you know it... there's no chance of snow on there. Just a few snow showers on Monday.  Definitely nothing to panic about, so I just have no clue what that sand truck was doing out there. I wonder... what happens to the sand after they put it down... maybe they were driving around "vacuuming" it back up for the next storm?

I've been having a really terrible day. The day itself hasn't been all that bad, per se. I got up and paid bills this morning, so all our Feb bills are paid.   I went to class this morning in Vernon and all we did was sit and take a test off the projection screen. Very dull stuff.  Oh, and I found out my grade for that test I thought I bombed the other day. I got an 84 on it - definitely passing!  But I really do need to work on my math before the HESI test comes around. Heaven knows it's my biggest downfall.  So I'll be working on that over the next few weeks, and right up until State Boards. THAT way, if I do fail, it won't be because of shoddy math skills. Which causes a lot of people to fail, from what I've heard. We'll see, though.

But all that wasn't the worst of my day.  The worst is the fact that time is just not going fast enough for me.  I know, Ron is going to be home in nearly three weeks. But that is NEARLY THREE WEEKS!!!! I am so tired of wating around, hoping that news will come that he'll be home sooner. I want to scream and yell and throw myself on the floor and have a tantrum! It's so frustrating to know that it's so close, but just not close enough. I wish that I could go to sleep for the next two weeks and sleep right through until the day he lands at DFW. I have a LOT to do in the meantime to keep me busy, but it doesn't stop my mind from thinking about him. I think about him all the time, and it's making the time seem to go by a lot slower. I am so excited that this will all be over soon. I feel  the same way I used to feel during that last month of pregnancy, when I was so anxious and excited and just ready to get it over with. Another chapter of life finished. Just a couple of weeks, and my baby will be in my arms! Surely I can find enough to keep me busy until then with all the studying! :)

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Day 182: February 25th, 2010

Quote of the Day: "Sometimes I wish I were a little kid again, skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts."  ~Author Unknown

I just had the priviledge of spending the entire day with some of the tiniest little babies I have ever seen.  Surely not as tiny as SOME people get to see, but they were definitely small compared to any I have ever dealt with.  Today was my clinical day to spend in the nursery at the hospital, and it was a pretty unique experience, which I probably won't forget any time soon.

I don't know what I expected, really, maybe lots of really loud screaming and crying, as I'm used to babies doing.  But these precious little angels did very little of that.   It was really dark in there when I walked in, but it was SO quiet.  All those tiny little angels sleeping peacefully.  I was surrounded all day by tiny little feet no bigger than half my pinkie, itty bitty little fingers.  And oh! Those cute little puckered mouths - my absolute favorite part of babies.  There is nothing in the world cuter than a baby-pucker!  We had six little ones to help care for, and not a single minute of the day was boring. On the contrary, watching a little baby sleep can be the most relaxing fun you could ever dream of having.  I was caring for this little baby who was a little over three pounds at birth, and I just could not get over how small and fragile they look. Notice I said look, though... they really are tough little things. You want to know what a fighter looks like? Go visit a nursery sometime. It's a pretty humbling experience.

Once I got accustomed to the nursery and was able to feel like I had "found the groove" so to speak, it was like being transported back in time and holding Damien and Cody for the first time. I think maybe God designed us so that holding an infant would release chemicals into our bloodstream that would foster an insntantaneous urge to protect.  And there's nothing better than seeing a freshly-born baby come into the nursery with Dad right there, gloating happily and taking pictures. I can't remember if Ron got to go visit the nursery or not, but it's like a sacred place.  You just can't help but feel awed by it.

There is a dark side, however, in working with babies.  Sometimes you have to deal with the dark side of society. The side that slides down into drugs and alcohol.  The side where a mother can't control herself or her addictions, and a tiny little life is affected, sometimes permanently, by her poor decisions.  Those are the instances which break your heart, the ones that make you wish that you made just enough money, had a bigger house, could take those babies in and make sure that they get a better life than the one which they will probably be made to suffer through to adulthood. If they even make it that long, that is. Sometimes the babies are lucky and will be placed into loving foster families who can watch over them. But the opposite can happen as well, where the foster family becomes more abusive than what they would have endured at the hands of drug and alcohol addicted parents.  Either way you look at, the only ones who are really suffering are those tiny little creations born with birth defects or drug addicted.  The ones who have to fight just to survive from the moment of their birth, then once they are released from the hospital have to keep fighting just to KEEP surviving against the odds. No wonder there are so many sad stories in the world.

The good news is, I went the whole day without once thinking that I wanted another baby! Yay me! HAHAHA

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Day 181: February 24, 2010

Quote of the Day: "If you’re going through Hell, keep going."  -Winston Churchill

You know, you think you're going along just fine, running smooth, and then things just start to collapse on you.  I think I may have failed my test today in class, which was a total bummer. I was already kind of down because of finding out that there were so many people who applied for the same position that I did. I spent most of the day walking around like a zombie because I was feeling so tired, worn out, and just flat-out down. 

Then I got a phone message sometime while I was in class, so I checked my phone on my break and it was Ellen, the Postpartum manager called to set up a date for a 2nd interview. So I returned her call and now have an appointment on Tuesday morning. So, of course, since I'm so incredibly wanting that position I spent the rest of the afternoon walking around with my head in the clouds. Until I got home, and decided it was time to go through the mail on the table.

And found a letter from the VA saying that they had overpaid Ron and that we now owe them nearly two grand!!! WHAT THE HECK?????? Geez, like we don't have enough problems already? I'm already stressed out on losing the extra pay when Ron comes home, so I really am NOT looking forward to any added stress worrying about money. Things are going to be really tight here for a while, while we get everything straightened out. So now Ron, poor thing, has to deal with the VA from over THERE. And me? I'm just going to sit here and pray really, really hard that things work out somehow. Oh, and that I get the job as a postpartum nurse... I really think that I am a perfect fit for it!

I have seen the signs, by the way... SPRING IS COMING!  When I was walking up to the house from getting the mail, I saw little tiny purple flowers springing to life where I had my anemones growing last year. And I noticed that there are a LOT of trees and plants starting to bud out... maybe it's finally time for my winter allergies to disappear? That would be really nice!   : )

Here are some more pictures, just for the fun of it:

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Day 180: February 23, 2010

Quote of the Day: "Don’t marry someone you can live with, marry someone you can’t live without." – author unknown

What a day! I think my interview went really well, but it's soooo hard to tell! I want the job so badly that I just keep praying and praying that I'll at least get a 2nd interview.  The problem is that the HR representative that interviewed me told me that there have been a LOT of people apply for the position, both nursing students AND seasoned nurses. And Delia said that when she was on her rotation on the postpartum floor that she overheard a conversation where a nurse was saying that she had been pushing to get her sister-in-law hired into the position. What chance do I really have? I just pray that it's what God has in mind for me, because if not, then I have NO IDEA what else to apply for. There were a couple things that I was interested in, but none of the other rotations really screamed out that it was what I wanted to make a career of. I guess I'll be stuck with Med-Surg. At least I'll get a lot of varied experience that way, I guess. They have a little bit of everything.

I had study group this evening, but I had a really hard time concentrating on anything because I'm just so darn tired from not sleeping well last night.  Chalk it up to nerves or excitement or whatever, but I kept waking up and looking at the clock to see if it was time to get up and get ready to go to my interview.  Hopefully I can sleep better tonight, since I have my next test tomorrow morning bright and early. Guess I'd better get up and review in the morning.  Everyone wants to meet up at the school at 7:30 am to study some more before the test, but I just don't know if I've got it in me. UGH! Have to wait and see, I guess.

I'm really sad, by the way.  I missed my show on Sunday, and then with going to study group tonight I missed the replay tonight, which means that for the first time in three years I've actually missed an episode. So I guess I'm through watching it now, even though I really love it. I'd be lost next week if I watched it, wondering what I'd missed, so I guess I'll have to wait and hope that they come out with a DVD so that I can watch it that way. If not, well... it's just one more thing I've had to sacrifice because of nursing school. Sigh. Only another couple of months.... then maybe I'll have a semblance of sanity.

I find myself thinking a LOT lately of Ron, and of the things that I can't wait to do with him.  Like go camping, and fishing. Or go cut firewood for next winter so that it has time to season. Do yardwork. Sit on the patio in the mornings and drink our coffee together. Watch movies together.  Drive to Lowe's together. There are so many things I've missed, it's hard to list everything. They flash through my mind all the time, so unless I sit down with a pen and paper every minute of the day and write them down as they happen there's no way to get everything. At least that one's only a couple of WEEKS away, not months. I hope, anyways. You never know until they actually make it home, because their flights and plans are always changing even during transit. Dangit, I really hate the not knowing part!

Monday, February 22, 2010

Day 179: February 22nd, 2010

Quote of the Day: "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." -Aristotle

You know what makes me really mad? Yesterday when I was at WalMart the gas was $2.41 a gallon. Today, when I drove up there to exchange a movie I bought that was cracked when I opened it, gas was up to $2.49 a gallon. OVERNIGHT!  I don't know what makes me angrier, the fact that they would raise the prices that much overnight, or the fact that I should have gotten gas yesterday and didn't.  Oh, well, though, it seems like that's just the way it goes lately, right? A day late and  eight cents more!!! LOL
Today has pretty much been a quiet day. I finally got my laundry put away, and although I still have a load or two left to wash I can handle that.  I spent a LOT of time figuring out what to wear to my job interview tomorrow.  I had this really great outfit I bought specifically for it, but wouldn't you know it... now they're saying that we're going to have about a half inch of snow overnight, and it'll be around freezing when I go to my interview. So I've been weighing my options pretty heavily.  I really, really, REALLY want this job, so I'm afraid to blow it by wearing the wrong thing. But such is life... not much I can do about it but do my best and hope for the best.
Damien's been home cleaning his room, and is applying for a position at the State Hospital in Wichita Falls, Cody is home being his goofy self, and life is temporarily pretty darn good. We'll see if my luck holds tomorrow! Night, people... have a great one!


Before the "makeover"

After the "makeover"

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Day 178: February 21, 2010

Quote of the Day: "I love you, not because you’re perfect, but because you’re so perfect for me." – Author Unknown

I was woken up at 4:30 this morning by one of the loudest thunderstorms I’ve been able to enjoy in a little while. The power even flashed again, which hasn’t happened in a while. It was really great, though… the lightning lit the sky up so pretty, and the thunder sounded like it was right overhead. We even had a little bit of hail pinging off the windows. I tried to watch it for a while, but it was so dark outside that you really couldn’t see very much, so I just gave up and went back to bed. At least that was one way to guarantee that I’d sleep in until at least 7:30!

The countertops are finally finished, with the exception of sanding the drips off below the edge of the countertops, which will take a little time if I do them by hand. I think they turned out pretty good, when you consider the fact that the first layer of resin got completely messed up due to bad mixing. That’s what I get for not doing it all by myself, though. They look so nice and shiny now, though… I love it! I haven’t decided yet how hard they are going to be to clean up, but since I always use cutting boards and hot pads to put hot pans on I don’t see any issues with it. I’ll have to wait and see. Once Ron comes back and life starts to get back to normal it might be an entirely different story… things have been pretty slow in the kitchen department lately without the need to make all the great meals that he enjoys. The kids are too basic for “real” cooking.

I can tell you in all honestly that I am really looking forward to Ron barbecuing those really awesome ribeyes and t-bones that I bought the other day. I haven’t had a steak since he left! Mostly because I’m a little nervous about using the grill, since we caught the last one on fire. I think I’ll go out next weekend and clean it, so that it’s all ready to go when he gets back. I’m afraid that my diet may be permanently ruined once he comes home. Can’t say that I’m TOO upset about that… I’ll just have to find that right mix of exercise and water to go along with all the foods I’ll be eating again! LOL

Tomorrow I’ll have to finish up all the things I didn’t get around to doing today, like folding laundry and changing bed sheets. Then it’s study-time for me once again… sigh. This semester is going to be pretty much a non-stop study fest, it seems. With us having a test every single week to study for I’m not sure what exactly I will accomplish as far as memorizing. But at least I have the end firmly in sight and creeping closer every minute. That makes it so much more tolerable.