I've finished my training period at work. I've passed the NCLEX examination. I'm a nurse for real, and have been for a couple of months now. The problem is, I am completely and totally exhausted. Beyond words. I get up at 5, leave the house at 6, and don't get home until 8 at night, sometimes later. Is this what being a nurse means? Really? Somehow I guess I never really put two and two together when it came to planning my career. I figured that I would go to work, save lives, and be home to cook dinner. Or, at least, to EAT dinner. But I'm so exhausted by the time I get home all that I want to do is sleep.
I thought that having a couple days off in between my days of work would make things nice, but I've found myself working so hard at recuperating from working that I don't get much of anything done. Simply put, I'm tired of being tired. But this is my life now, and will continue to be my life. I will have to accept that I seldom see my kids and husband anymore (when he's home, that is), and that I'll be eating, sleeping, and breathing my career. Not much else to do, is there? I feel like I do a good job when I'm at work, but it takes so much out of me. I wish I would have gotten my degree when I was a lot younger, maybe it wouldn't be that bad right now. But I didn't, and I probably wouldn't have been mature enough back then to keep at it anyways, feeling like this. Sigh. Maybe nursing schools should come with a warning label. NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART.